What Wouldn’t I do for you, New York City?

The other week I finally told my dad that I plan to move back to NYC. I told him I’ll be staying with my uncle (my moms brother) and his family, he told me that that family is crazy and that it’s not a good idea- he didn’t restrict me though. Overall he didn’t make too big of a deal about it and just tried to convince me to stay in FL for two years while attending college.

Just yesterday Maria, my dad’s girlfriend, called me and started making a scene about the whole situation and how its making my dad so nervous to the point where he’s feeling chest pain. She tried persuading me to stay ANOTHER YEAR in Florida or at least another six months. The conversation lasted about an hour. I didn’t give in to her offer but I didn’t decline it either, I just said “I don’t know” in a nonchalant tone. After telling me to think about it the conversation ended.

A few minutes later she called again telling me that my dad was in the hospital due to chest pain. She’s trying to make me feel guilty.

He went into surgery today- a catheterization.

My dad has been a bit rancorous about my plans towards my family but has yet to mention anything to me. According to my sister he’s been saying that he will not financially help me if I move – which I wasn’t looking forward to anyway-  and what not.

I’m pretty adamant about my decision and definitely do not plan on waiting another year because that’s another year wasted. I’m currently 18 and will be 19 when I move, I’ve reached the age where I realize how short life is and I truly value my time and I want to enjoy every minute of it.

 

I’ve been updating my life though small fragments via other social networks (twitter, facebook, tumblr) for the past few months. I make my resurgence here usually only to expound on several things or just to liberate my mind. 

I’ve been staying alone as of Wednesday since my sister is in New York — she gets back tomorrow. I haven’t really felt all too lonely only bc I haven’t really thought about it, and I’m not going to.

I feel like I’m displeasing my cats since i’m not deeming them as companions. I don’t think its onerous to understand what i’m trying to say.

Anyhow, now that I mentioned my cats I should go ahead and mention that I no longer just have Mitchy, I’ve now acquired Nylah. A friend gave her to me after she was looking to give her away (don’t know why). She (Nylah) is truly sweet (so is my friend but that’s not who I’m referring to). I shan’t forget to mention that she has fleas. Its maddening. I already ordered Frontline Plus which I will use on both cats since Mitch most likely contracted fleas. 

——

I’m going to New York next week, on the 20th to be exact, for spring break. Unfortunately I’ll be staying with my dad most of the time and ill have limited freedom (as always when with him).

I have yet to tell him about moving back their. What’s my deal?

 

I tried formulating a poem that reflects me. Please critique honestly, I need to submit it to a literary fair and I don’t want to embarrass myself.

I don’t have a title for it yet.

I haven’t given it my best,

And its given me much unrest.

I’ve been trying to be unorthodox

And live to my own expectations,

But instead will end up like a fox

Marauding for sacred temptations.

I am not as incorrigible as i think,

I’m amenable to change for my own contentment,

And I’ve discovered my own enchantment.

You see, I have a yen for detail that may seem apparent through my reticence,

and they don’t know it yet, but I observe their petulance.

I try to take wily notes so I can expatiate

how I see the world and use words to illustrate.

I don’t walk around listlessly,

I walk around aimlessly.

I formulate words so people can appreciate

what they don’t often notice

and it makes it easier for me to consociate.

My Thoughts Right Before Phosphorescent’s Performance

12/18/13

Wut wut wuuuuuuuut
I’m sitting by myself on a black leather couch with a couple that are pecking at each others lips every other minute. As I look at the bar area– exactly at a 1 o’clock angle, I feel relief as another lone human, a man with elbow patches and who seems to be a foreigner, sits also trying to look busy by fidgeting with his phone. It’s 8:35, the concert starts at 9. I’m in the basement which is the bar area, I suppose we get sent up at around 9. I have terrible upper back pain. I need to get it checked out. I’m wasting battery as I write this and I should really save it cos i don’t know if I’m going straight home after the show and my sisters ipod also has low battery. My shoes look very big on me, I think I want to buy a new pair. I’ve actually spotted another lone human, a blond woman also fidgeting with her phone, sitting to the right of loner number 1.

Very attractive men here.

What the fig?!
8:51

Whoa. I just awkwardly make eye contact with a man (10 o’clock) that looks like the lead singer from Local Natives. May or may not be him. Not sure. I don’t want to look again cos he caught me looking at him for those two and only instances. He’s talking to a girl so I don’t want him to think I’m into him (I am).

Why can’t I be more social?! I guess I’m not approachable either. If someone were to approach me now I’d my thought would freak out, I would act calm and casual though. If it were a boy. No, actually of it were a girl too– not as freaked out though.

Wtf?! People keep looking at me when they walk by.

The show is about start. Peace. I think it started. She’s singing. Where is she?!??

RIP Tarzan

Last week I found out Tarzan died– he was either struck by a car or caught an ear infection (I’ve heard different stories). He was such a great dog, stubborn, but still great. There have only been two dogs that have left a lasting impression in my life: Tarzan and Jonas. Jonas was a miniature Schnauzer I used to own when I lived in Colombia for a year. He was the only reason I stayed ´cos his mom,Tita who was partially mine, was pregnant and my sister and I were really anxious about keeping a puppy. My dads girlfriend told us we had to stay with her in order for us to keep one, so we did. After the year was over we were ready to return to the U.S. with Jonas but my dads girlfriend didn’t allow us. She wanted him. Anyway, about two or three years ago she gave him away and he now lives in a village that’s too far away, so I’ve been told. I want to try and get him back. I sort of have a way of finding out where he is ´cos I know a relative of Jonas’ new family but there is some tension between us due to an incident that happened between her mom and my dads girlfriend.

I miss those dogs.

Another tragedy happened this month– my half-brother passed away a few days ago, he was in his early 30s. I haven´t seen him since I was a toddler so I don’t remember anything about him. I really regret not going to Ecuador to visit him. He was sick, not sure what sickness he had but I know it was hell. He couldn’t move, speak, eat (he was tube fed), and his mind was blank.

I still need to call my grandma.

—-

I went to see Kurt Vile w/ Beach Fossils and two other cool bands last week. They were all amazing.

The youngest of my three older brothers unexpectedly moved back to New York on Thursday. I’m so unbelievably jealous.

Small Things to Come

Its been a while since I last made an update on my life. I’ve been busy doing the perpetual nothing. Well, mostly nothing. 

Tomorrow I’m going to Miami to meet up with three cousins that are vacationing here. I haven’t seen them since I was maybe 2 or 3, so it’ll be a bit awkward. 

Last week I went to see Frightened Rabbit and this small venue in Ft. Lauderdale. I had a good time, albeit I was a bit anxious for it to end for some reason. I can´t explain myself why. Anyway, for Halloween I’m going to Miami again, Ill be staying their through Sunday cos´ on November first I’m going to see Kurt Vile and Beach Fossils their. I know it’ll be amazing, cos´ they’re amazing. 

Another thing I’m excited about is NY, I’m going in December. Only thing that has be a bit wary is the fact that my dad will most likely be their too. I’m not looking forward to staying with him in our tiny studio all winter. Its difficult to go out and have fun with him since he´s so controlling and paranoid. He´s currently in NY and later this month he´ll be in Colombia and eventually return back to NY. He plans on flying back to Florida with my sister and I on January 7 but ill try to convince him to leave NY before we arrive. 

I have yet to inform him that I plan on moving out in June. Ill probably have to tell him in January.